The Role of the Stephen Ministry Caregiver and Skills of Communicating

A major part of my learning curve as a Stephen Minister, is not only learning how to aid and help each individual take care of and face their feelings and emotions, but also learning how to communicate with the people I am a Stephen Minister to but also communicating in an effective way.   I have found nonverbal communication is a very big deal, and through this and other types of communication, we have the ability to offer the presence of caring, comfort, support, and respect while helping each individual as they travel on a spiritual journey of their own..
The first learning that I found myself applying as a SM was developing my listening skills for active, critical, and empathic listening. As SM’s we know these three types of listening are important in the communication between the SM care giver and the SM care receiver because listening and responding appropriately results in better understanding and can build a better relationship between the SM caregiver and the SM care receiver.

·        Active listening is being mentally engaged in the needs of what the person is expressing.

·        Critical listening is observing the needs that the care receiver is stating and how you the SM caregiver will take on in carrying out and providing the opening for the spiritual needs the person is expressing.  However, critical listening occurs when you still want to understand what the other person is saying, but also have some reason or responsibility to evaluate what is being said to you and how it is being said. The key though, is to try to understand the other person FIRST, before one evaluates.

·        Empathic listening is understanding what the person is saying from their perspective and repeating back to them the importance of their needs being taken care of. Empathic listening is important because caregivers have to show the person that they are there as a SM and to help be a source of caring and compassion on their spiritual journey. 

CRF I have already learned that a person culture, religion past and present and their family history and their current family all play a significant role in just how ones sees themselves and how they tackle whatever it maybe they are facing.

·        Culture plays a part in communication, so a person’s cultural views must be understood and respected.   

·        Religious beliefs and influences a major part of their life.

·        Family, the history of ones past helps us all deal with the future. Understanding these important personal facts and the individual’s personal history helps from day one. 

Another learning curve is just how words have the power to create and affect attitudes, behavior, and perception. Using appropriate language is important because the wrong words can ruin a relationship that fragile between the SM caregiver and the SM care receiver. In order for communication to be effective, caregivers need to be open to the views and behaviors of the people they care for, every generation is different, and so a certain amount of understanding and change must be met for positive communication to occur.  The behavior of today would not have been acceptable in the 50’s and the behavior of the 60’s what can I say.  We have changed but some of our views and opinions have stayed in the past and we have to respect the individual’s history and time of when they were teenagers, young adults and young parents.  Some things never change.


I have also learned about the three  T's 

Touch, To much space and Time

Touch and body language are both important and a very delicate subject matter.  Do I hold their hand when I ask “would you like to go to GOD and share a word of prayer?” I first ask CAN I hold you hand. 
I have learned that touch is an expression of caring and warmth, but is also a very intimate matter. Nonverbal communication accurately reflects the person’s true feelings, rather than spoken language; this is because nonverbal expressions are involuntary expressions that cannot be controlled.  The individual may say yes but their body language has all the signals of NO. SM caregivers must pay close attention to their care receivers gestures and their own reactions, in order not to give the wrong perception. The body language of the caregiver should show compassion, enthusiasm and respect to the person receiving care. Caregivers should not only be focused on the verbal but on the nonverbal messages and expressions being sent out at the same time.
Too much space between the caregiver and the person receiving care can give a bad perception. Being too close can be uncomfortable and can be considered as violating the privacy of the care receiver. The SM caregiver needs to be able to notice what space and distance is appropriate, maybe you need to be close due to hearing aids etc, this depends on the attitude and need of the individual person. 
Time is also essential for the caregiver, Arriving on time and being proactive, gives a positive perception. Arriving late and being lazy gives a negative perception.
Caregivers must let the people receiving SM care express their feelings or concern without the caregiver adding their own opinions, or judging feelings, this can lead to the wrong idea and a breakdown of communication. Caregivers that are new to the job may have a tendency to talk too much when a SM care receiver is silent, both expressions can be because of nervousness or a lack of comfort, sometimes silence is okay so both parties may have a chance to warm up to each other.
Remember:

·        Listening and truly letting the individual know you DO understand.

·        Effective non verbal communication and the three T’s  is very important, when it comes to truly caring for someone.

·        Identifying the CRF’s hearing of the individual’s history, what made them who they are today, positive communication and understanding of who they are equally important as well. 

These are just a few of my observations in my months as a SM caregiver.   

Hope they are helpful to you on your journey as a Stephen Minister.  

If you want to learn more about Stephen Ministries visit their website at   www.stephenministries.org